A stash of money in the bottom of a cookie jar is probably not going to destroy your marriage. But realize that your spouse is cheating on you financially could be the beginning of the end of your marriage. In an already troubled marriage, financial infidelity could be what you decide to call it quits.
One of the common warning signs or red flags in a marriage is lying on the money. While one in three Americans say they lie about the money their spouses, the question is too important to avoid. Small lies about finances can lead to more damaging behaviors in your marriage.
According to a survey describes a 2011 article is your partner cheating on you financially? 31% Admit money Deception Jenna Goudreauin (Forbes.com) ...
"More than half of all financial cheaters admitted in cash (58%) or minor purchases (54%) hiding. of the offenders, 30% hid a bill, 16% have hidden a major purchase, 15% had a secret bank account 11% lied about their debts and 11% lied about the amount of money they won. "
" family therapist based in Boston Carleton Kendrick was counseled couples for over 30 years and says the deception money has become a huge problem in the past decade. Kendrick said the main reasons people lie about money to their partners are pragmatism, control, guilt and fear. pragmatic lie may result from planning a possible split and not wanting the other to know how much money is available. Financial infidelity for control may include revenge spending, as a partner spends too much to prove their independence or go back to another for something missing in the relationship. Knowingly irresponsible behavior may cause guilt and embarrassment, so that the person tries to cover it. Deceit may also occur because they fear the reaction of their partners the truth. "
Financial Cheating Some Red Flags
- your spouse is other people about spending or income.
- When you want to talk with your spouse about money, he or she becomes defensive or refuses to discuss finances.
- your spouse handles all the responsibility to pay bills and do not want you to know anything about the family finances.
- you realize that your spouse spends more than two of you can afford.
- both discussing money more often.
- you discover secrets or secret bank accounts payables.
- spending habits of your spouse suddenly change.
- A or two of you start vengeance spending.
- lied to your spouse before you money.
- you just have a gut feeling that your spouse is hiding something from you about your finances.
- you do not trust your spouse.
What financial infidelity in your marriage
- do not bury your head in the sand. It is time to have the difficult and serious discourse about your finances with your spouse. (Read this article first)
- Tell your spouse about the feelings you have about lying or being lied about your finances. Your concerns, guilt, anger, panic, the feeling of being betrayed, embarassment, impotence, etc. You must be heard by your spouse.
- If you cheat, you must admit that you made a mistake, stop lying about your finances. Make a decision to be honest, open, and keep your promises. Accept your responsibility to bring financial infidelity in your marriage. And sincerely apologize.
- Be realistic about what can and can not be done to save your financial situation.
- Set separate checking accounts along a joint account. Decide together how much you can deposit each in personal accounts and joint account. It is important that you agree that these funds are yours individually to do with what you want.
- Have a weekly discussion on the state of your finances. It need not be long, but take the time to check your accounts together and talk about upcoming bills, issues, goals, hopes, etc.
- If these suggestions do not help, seek financial and / or marriage counseling.
Lying to hide or to be secretive about money is a big wedding "no-no." If there is a problem regarding this, it's time to fix it with respect and integrity.
* Updated article by Marni Feuerman
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3 comments
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