By Marni Feuerman
If your spouse has cheated on you, and you try to reconcile and restore confidence, you will face one of the toughest challenges of a married couple can experience. A strategy that is sometimes used to deter even infidelity is having the unfaithful spouse sign a "post-nuptial agreement infidelity," consent to a financial payment specified (or another important element of value) to pay if they cheat again. These agreements, also known as the "lifestyle clauses" may be drafted by lawyers in family law
divorce lawyer based in Manhattan Jacqueline Newman explains the typical reasons underlying for post-nuptial agreements :. They are "often after it has been an element of infidelity in marriage. the person who lost trying to ensure his / her spouse that will not happen again and to prove the sincerity of this promise, he agrees to take pen to show how sorry he is. "She warns against these agreements because," If you over-commit to the right document to get that second chance, you take the risk that your spouse will wait until the ink is dry to call his / her divorce lawyer now they know they will get a good deal. "
Mrs. Newman believes that sometimes postnups may be what is necessary for the couple to move forward." In a tone less skeptical, they can sometimes work because if a spouse believes their errant spouse was ready to essentially "pay" for his / her sins, it shows that they are committed, and that perhaps all that is needed to get the couple on track. "She notes," the post-nuptial agreements are much less frequent as prenuptial agreements, but we certainly have our fair share of them in my office. "
" A money deterrence is usually not enough to stop a wealthy would-be cheater. "~ Andrew G. Vaughn, lawyer and professor
Andrew G. Vaughn, lawyer, owner of NuVorce, and professor of Domestic law relations at Loyola University Chicago School of Law told About.com that these lifestyle clauses are most common with celebrity clients. Professor Vaughn says, "They do not work. rich people have lots of money. a money deterrent is generally not enough to stop a wealthy would-be cheater. "It does not recommend and notes that they are relatively rare. In fact, he says it is quite complicated to write highly binding contracts such as these.
Brandy Austin, a lawyer law family based in Arlington Texas, believes postnups to discourage infidelity "are actually relatively rare in average below the lower upper class people. They are more for celebrities, public figures ... the politicians." but in his experience, and these agreements in any form are not very common. "If it is included as a deterrent, the probability of someone cheating agreeing to give all their assets is poor." Ms. Austin also believes that these agreements are not as effective with the rich. "If you are able to make a payment, money does not hold the same value and probably will not discourage infidelity."
Most states are "no fault" in terms of divorce, but in his state of Texas, the court may grant a disproportionate amount of the estate in some cases of infidelity on the basis of " spend the community succession on someone other than your spouse or children -. wasting community property, "says Austin
other hand, Randall M. Kessler, lawyer for the family of the law, author and professor of law at the Atlanta school, reports seeing these agreements often in his practice, and believes they are becoming more common. "Not just when a spouse is misbehaving, but also when a parent wants to give a joint property, but does not like the other spouse to" keep the gift in the family. "He believes they are work, and they are "enforceable every state except Ohio and what they do, is to get people to negotiate their divorce. Why go to court and risk of a post-nuptial agreement enforced against you if you can negotiate a little more than what is required by postnup? "He even recommended the example," When someone is angry against their spouses, but does not want a divorce. "He warns, however," as all cases of family law, think long and hard about this, because once the subject is raised or the lawyers get involved, feelings hardened and often spirals into a full divorce. "
Jeffrey A. Landers, CDFA ™, the creator of Think financially Not Emotionally® brand books and seminars to educate, empower and support women before, during and after divorce wrote about it on Forbes online. He explains: "lifestyle clauses relate to the non-financial aspects of marriage, as that will do the cleaning, the frequency of vacation ..." They are "generally regarded as guidelines for behavior in the marriage, and even if they are not focused on assets, per se, there is usually financial penalties for non-compliance. "He says that the clauses involving infidelity are the most common and popular of these lifestyle clauses. According to Landers, they are not just for the celebrities, either.
According Pennsylvania family law lawyer, Jeffrey Kash, this subject does not come often in his practice, but these agreements are enforceable in the State. It recommended customers "push for agreements that penalize infidelity and other concessions in if a spouse has committed a marital fault and wants to stay in the marriage. "He advises the pursuit of these concessions," while the other spouse feels guilty "that helps the betrayed partner before the game of blame and fight begin. "Do not limit these types of agreements with infidelity with members of the opposite sex." He also suggested.
M .. Kash describes a case where he managed several years ago in which the husband reconciled with his wife after the woman had an affair. As a condition of the reconciliation process, the husband asked the wife to sign a "post-nuptial agreement that would limit its rights to matrimonial property if it then became involved in another extramarital affair." You can guess what happened next. Cheating wife again and the post-nuptial, under which the woman had waived his right to matrimonial property, was confirmed.
As a therapist a couple, if lifestyle clauses for infidelity are enforceable, or if they are used by a couple or not, talking and thinking about them can be beneficial. If properly negotiated and are respected, they can certainly be structured to discourage cheating and other bad acts. They can also be used when both parties want a divorce proceedings remain confidential for bad behavior future. All experts have made good points to consider whether or not this could be a good option for your wedding.
The process of "lifestyle clauses" negotiation can open the lines of communication between spouses, and help marriage unexpectedly. These clauses could encourage people in a committed relationship to discuss issues loyalty and expectations in advance. the feelings about monogamy and infidelity are clear. the only communication can be useful, even if the clause is not applied.
whether couples contemplating lifestyle clauses should really focus on is the attitude of one who cheated. If the partner who strayed seems more than willing to do anything to save the marriage, including the signing of a postnup, which can be considered a positive step. Furthermore, if the partner has betrayed coax their unfaithful spouse in such an agreement, which is probably a strong indication that the behavior of cheating is not likely to change.
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