Dr. William "Bill" Doherty, Ph.D., is a professor, researcher, therapist, speaker, author, consultant and community organizer. He is a professor and director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program in the Department of Family Social Sciences, College of Education and Human Development at the University of Minnesota. It is also a marriage and family therapist and co-founder of the Institute of Doherty Relations, LLC, a new company designed to help couples incurred by couples at the edge of divorce practicing. The institute also provides clinicians worldwide. Dr. Doherty has contributed to the field of marriage and family therapy, receiving several awards, including the important contribution in the field of marriage and family therapy Award, the Margaret E. Arcus Award for outstanding contribution to family life and the outstanding Community Service Award from the University of Minnesota. He has published nine professional books and five books for the general public.
Dr. Doherty is a thinker "outside the box" when it comes to helping couples and families.
How did you get into the study of marriage as a profession? what got you so motivated to continue this focus area?
I was studying to be a Catholic priest in the 1950s I was working with children and families in downtown Washington, and fell in love with the families. I knew when I decided not to become priest I wanted to work in this area.
Discernment Counseling is your "brain-child." What is it and how it fills a need in then field of couples therapy?
counseling Discernment is a specialized way to work with couples who are about to divorce. It is not only a marriage counseling product. There is another type of "drug" that traditional marriage counseling.
In many respects is a golden age of couples therapy with some of the most effective models to work with couples and many opportunities for therapists to learn to do this work. But there is a particular type of couple that does not fit in new ways, or even the old ways of working with couples, and that is one of them is not sure they want to be in the council. The person is so far from marriage leaning towards divorce they are very ambivalent. They are ambivalent about staying and whether or not they want to work on the marriage. The other person, who also just got word that they are at risk of divorce is much more eager to solve the problem. So, it is a difficult task. I call it "mixed couples agenda." They are really a challenge for therapists. So is the need that the Expediency Council meets. The need for couples to obtain a tailored approach to their specific situation. There is now a plan for therapists working with these couples we did not have before.
is there research results to report on Discernment Counseling up now?
basic research has shown that many couples, even in the divorce proceedings, that is, even after they have filed for divorce, are in fact the " mixed agenda. " A high percentage, and many with children, are divided over whether to divorce. And then we found the same kind of thing that people bring to marriage counseling where about 30% of couples are the order of the day mixed. We found in our own discernment study council that nearly half of couples who come to the brink of divorce end up choosing to try couples therapy. Most of the other half decide to divorce.
This could be dangerous for someone who is going to a single therapist, without a partner, when there is a marital problem?
When people with serious marriage problems go to individual therapy, very often, the therapist eventually take their side and inadvertently contributing to the end of marriage. The individual therapist mostly trying to help people out of their problem ... stop suffering ... out of situations that are unhealthy for them. Not having access to the other spouse, the therapist does not understand how their customer contributes. The therapist ends up taking sides in the marriage and this can lead to unnecessary divorces. Not all therapists, of course, but the public would be surprised to know that there is virtually no training or literature on how to check an individual customer who has marriage problems. The training there is for marriage therapy for the couple, not for the individual. Each therapist works with people for this problem is making it as they go along.
What are your best tips for someone with a therapy to a question of the marriage if the spouse refuses to come in?
The key is to be relentless. Not only set up once. It is not enough, "Do you feel like mountaineering come with me?" or "Would you go to the dentist?" Like really !? Here's how it will feel to the other spouse. You really need to hang in there about it. If the person says no the first time, ask them to think about it. Then bring it back in a few weeks. Plan for conversations. Do not put it when you fight on. Say you are ill and worried for the wedding and it is very important for you to try at least one therapy together. Do not abandon. Most people will cave. Usually the woman is the one pushing and husbands want peace at home. If he gets the idea that it supports out of this, then men will often decide that the pain of going to couples therapy is better than the pain of saying no. You can ask him to try. You do not ask for two years The sign up. The work of the joint is to get them there and it is the job of the therapist to keep them there.
In Take Back Your Marriage you say "marriage mindset of consumers." It's about what?
This is the word that I 'uses for thinking marriage as a way of life designed to please me. as a neighborhood you want to buy in or a car that you want. It comes with a "self-direction" and the sense of entitlement when problems arise in a marriage with someone this mindset is able to say, "this is not the case that I thought I signed for." Marriage is never an agreement. Nor is parenting. Thus, the right mentality of consumers that the spouse is there to meet your needs comes up against a wall at some point. We have very high expectations of marriage at this time. Our spouse should be our soul mate ... best friend ... sex should be great ... young people are looking for the perfect match with high standards for "the one." We have not done a good job of preparing young people for the reality of marriage.
How to distinguish between needs vs. wants?
as part of the "mentality of consumers," we turn it would be nice to have in what we need. For example, with the same level of sexual desire with your spouse becomes the need to be fully sexually compatible. people begin to feel deprived of something and make life miserable for their spouse. this can lead to a divorce after years of conflict that began as changing a default in need.
Is there anything else that you think the public should be warned about regarding people seeking the help for their marriage?
the general public think any therapist who claims to couples and marriage therapy really knows how to do it. But there is no reason to necessarily believe that's the case. many therapists have no formal training or supervision in this area. Therapists without training my view some couples and making a very big mistake to try to transform individual therapy in marriage therapy. They see someone with problems of marriage and after a while say, "Why do not you bring in your spouse" It turns because the spouse comes now feels ganged up against The public is confident professionals willing?. perform services. If someone announces they are a surgeon, you assume that nobody knows how to do this. this does not necessarily mean the case with therapy. Thus, the public should be really curious about the history of therapist and what percentage of couples with whom they work ... look for a therapist with a specialty in couples therapy, and with extensive training
You can buy Dr. Doherty's books on Amazon. Take Back Your Marriage The Intentional family: simple Rituals to strengthen family Ties