Throughout your marriage, there will be times when you need to have "must have" conversations.
These are the conversations that perhaps you will want both not to talk. These are conversations about difficult issues and situations. These are conversations that can make you both angry, defensive, hurt and sad.
pretend that nothing bad will keep both you walk on eggshells and eventually cause your marriage to fail.
have the difficult conversation shows that you care enough about your spouse and your marriage to have the conversation
Here are some tips and strategies when you need to have this difficult conversation - the talk ..
do not put have this difficult conversation
Watch your expectations. If you expect the conversation to go wrong, it will. If you assume that having great conversation will aggravate the situation, he probably will. You must set your expectations from the conversation and think in positive terms.
know why you want to speak. Would you talk to your spouse about a difficult issue to gain a better understanding of the views of your spouse on the issue? Want to clear up a misunderstanding? Do you need to deal with your spouse about a suspect lie or harmful behavior? Are you concerned about your level of intimacy with each other and want to be closer to your spouse?
accepts Will Probably a stressful conversation. Although you do not want any of you to be stressed, injured or irritated by the conversation, it is important to realize that you may as well be defensive and emotional as you speak.
ways to begin the difficult conversation
Do not Say "We need to talk" or "Can we talk? " Start your conversation with a statement acknowledging that the subject is difficult, sensitive, delicate or confrontational. Clarify that you know you have different perspectives and want to work together to have a better understanding of these perspectives.
Suggestions for the beginning of the conversation. "I thought ..." "What do you think of ...", "I want to talk ...", "I want to have a better understanding of your point of view ... "do not beat around the bush. Keep it simple. Stay on topic.
When and Where Have the difficult conversation
do not hold your spouse not invite your spouse to the movies when you really plan to have "the talk" in a restaurant Be honest -.. .. no manipulation
Timing of Talk Choose the right time for conversation. Do not ask your spouse to agree a time to have the conversation without having calmed the first. not having a difficult conversation before or after sex.
do not expect to have the talk immediately. It is important that you give your spouse some time to reflect on the subject you want to talk, but this should not be postponed for a long time. Mention that you would like the discussion within 48 hours.
Do not trap your spouse. If you have the conversation in the car or on an airplane, etc. catching your spouse.
agree on where to have the talk. unless your spouse agrees to have the conversation in a public place like a restaurant, take your children to a babysitter, and have the conversation at home.
strategies to use during the difficult conversation
See Respect your spouse. do not talk down to your spouse. Do not assume your partner knows what you mean. Do not interrupt when your spouse is talking.
Be aware of nonverbal communication. Maintain eye contact. Recognize what you hear in the understanding of this recognition is not necessarily agree.
be prepared. Back up your concerns, thoughts and ideas with research and facts. Keep your conversation on the topic you have agreed to discuss. Do not talk so on.
reach agreement you can live with both. Next, define a monitoring time to see how you are both dealing with the issue.
Know when to get help. If the problem or the situation continues to create problems in your marriage, you two may have the need of a counselor or mediator.
