Go to marriage counseling is not only to present. Your success is significantly dependent on the effort and commitment you put into it. It's understandable to not know what to expect going into this form of treatment. For the therapy to have the best possible chance of success, here are some things that will help.
1. Having the same goal. Sounds simple, right? It is often not. The same single objective must be, "we both want to save our marriage." It is not uncommon, however, to have a partner to ask whether they should even stay in the marriage. Alternatively, a partner wonders if stay with their spouse quit vs spouse for their lover is their goal. different programs will sabotage the process. you can always get advice, but the emphasis will be different until you're both on the same page.
2. Commit to an all-out "in the trenches" force for at least six months. couples therapy is slower than individual therapy.
the dynamic is complicated and two people working together require a significant amount of time to change. Also, think about when your problems started. for many, many years, in fact six average, will be spent before you come to our offices. This makes our work and yours, even more difficult.
3. Do not threaten divorce during the time you committed to marriage therapy. This will completely undermine the process. Therapists work very hard to create the security between two people whose confidence is often very fragile. Reading the "D map" during a fight will cost you a lot of sessions.
4. Prepare to work on yourself and your relationship. You MUST have ideas about what you need to change personally. Think of a behavior or you LINE exhibition that would be a problem in any relationship.
5. Do not say "I do all the work." If we could roll our eyes at you when you say that we (but we realize professional account that is). We can say that is being to do the work and not very clearly. also, yes, often one of you is more "work" than the other. the process is not fair. We know, but sometimes it's just one of you fight really hard for marriage that helps reel in the partner who is lagging far behind.
6. do not silently plan an exit strategy when you decide that your marriage does not get better. lift the early concern and discuss directly with your partner or in therapy.
7. Do not tell anyone your wedding, unless they will fully support your efforts. Do not complain to your friends and family about your spouse while you're in treatment. You will not get good objective advice.
8. Prioritize marriage therapy. Plan before anything else. Be flexible with your time. Budget your money if you need some time to allow it. I assure you, your treatment will be cheaper than a divorce.
9. Understand that your problems are cyclical. You got stuck in a negative pattern. Except abuse, violence or infidelity, we will not take sides or join help you blaming each other. We will guide you to change negative habits and help you see the best in each other.
10. Bring your "best self" in marriage therapy. This is a very stressful time. Marital distress affects all areas of your life. This is difficult to ask, but we need you are mature, resourceful and hopeful during treatment. Also, please treat each other with respect and dignity.
Marriage therapists are there to help you solve your problems in a way that you can not seem to do on your own. many divorces could be avoided if people choose to work on their marriage sooner, rather than later when problems arise. with the right help and two people fully engaged in therapy, they often relive their wedding.