Marriage therapists call "interventions". ordinary people simply call "change". Whatever you want to call it, does it really matter when things are working well? Do not be fooled by the simplicity, small changes can have a ripple effect. Try it and you might be surprised by how it makes you feel and how your partner responds.
1. Use emotional Reappraisal
First, the "hack marriage" original published in a research study that eventually became a popular talk TED. The scientists used a technique called " emotional revaluation " in which they had couples reassess their experiences by imagining how a neutral third party (an impartial person outside their relationship) would see their behavior. In study, the couples took 5 - 10 minutes to discuss a source of relational conflicts they only provided a "summary based on the facts of the largest disagreement" they have experienced recently, "focusing on behavior , not on thoughts or feelings. "
A year later, half the couples were randomly assigned to the group intervention (experimental), which had to be taken again 10 minutes for the emotional cause fitness activity. The other half of the participants were in the "control group" and was not involved in the emotional revaluation of activity
Here is a summary of what the group "intervention" was told to make.
"Write about a particular disagreement with your partner. Consider what disagree with your partner in the perspective of a neutral third party who wants the best for all participants; a person who sees things from a neutral point of view. How that person might think the disagreement and / or find the good that could come of it? "They also asked," What are the obstacles you face, trying to take this perspective to the third partner, especially when you have a disagreement? "Couples were then asked to try to take this view others during interactions with their partner partner.
The results of this experiment showed that only the control group (without re-emotional cause ) had a continued decline in the health of their relationship. couples who completed the emotional cause fitness activity was no decline in the relationship over the next 12 months! researchers concluded that having couples see their conflict through the eyes of a neutral third imaginary had a significant positive health effect relationship and that the intervention appeared to prevent further negative effects. This simple technique revaluation has a powerful impact and can benefit you greatly if you learn to apply it at the right time.
2. Treat your partner as a foreign
no, not the kind of stranger you back off in the circulation. Foreign as in someone you just met and are excited to get to know. The researchers found that when we are around our romantic partners we get too comfortable. We tend to give up the tone cheerful, jovial and pleasant we often use when talking to people we do not know very well. In essence, put on your best face when interacting with strangers gives you a boost in mood. It can help you in your marriage, as well.
In one study, romantic couples were told to interact with their partner how they "usually would." The other half of the participants said "put your best face forward." Social science researchers have found that when people were ordered to be their "best self", they reported feeling much happier. This has important implications for long-term relationships. The default position, unfortunately, is not to act as your best self around the person you love most. Couples enjoy the freedom to be relaxed and have bad mood days, however, when it becomes the norm, which negatively affects the happiness of the couple.
Finally, treat your spouse as you would a stranger you meet for the first time. Or, how about taking it to another level? Why not treat your spouse as a person you want to have an affair?
3. Store your phone (completely!)
The researchers created a relatively simple study with two groups. The control group had their phones "present" and the experimental group had their "away" phones during interactions with another person. For those who are assigned to the phone stands, any mobile phone based direct visual field only participants outside. Participants (foreigners) were matched and were told to '' Discuss an interesting event that occurred to you during the month, past '' for 10 minutes together. Then, in the continuation of the experiment, they studied participants who had the conversation instead of talking about an important event in their lives.
Subsequently, participants rated how they interact with their study partner. "The evidence of both experiments indicate the mere presence of mobile phones has inhibited the development of interpersonal closeness and trust and reduces the extent to which people felt empathy and understanding of their partners. The results of the second experiment indicated that these effects were more pronounced if individuals were personally discuss a significant topic ".
constant use of technology alters interpersonal connectivity, proximity, sense of trust, and perceived empathy. These are the very foundation of healthy relationships! Put the phone when you are with someone important to you, such as your spouse. deepening your relationship is worth the trouble ... as email or text can wait!
These are simple and simple actions that can have a huge positive impact on your marriage. They do not require special skill set or intervention professional Experiment with these "hacks" today and see what happens
Sources
Web "http:.! // www.scienceofrelationships.com/home /2014/2/24/the-marriage-hack.html
Finkel, EJ, Slotter, EB, Luchies, LB, Walton, GM, & Gross, JJ (2013) . A brief intervention to promote conflict reassessment preserves marital quality over time. Psychological Science 24 (8), 1595-01.
Dunn, EW, Biesanz JC, Human, LJ, & Finn, S. (07) Misunderstanding the emotional consequences of everyday social interactions .. hidden benefits of putting its best face Journal personality and social psychology, 92 90-1005
[Przybylski, AK & Weinstein, N .. (2013). Can you communicate with me now? How the presence of mobile communication influences the technology face-to-face conversation quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relations, 30 (3), 237-246.