You Hurt your spouse now?

USA, New Jersey, Jersey City, Couple having argument - Tetra Images/Getty Images — Tetra Images / Getty Images

By Sheri Stritof

update August 6, 2016 .

Face it. There are times when your spouse is upset. Maybe your spouse will be upset with you. Maybe your spouse will be upset with someone or something that has nothing to do with you.

You can disturb your spouse even if you do not recognize the feelings of your spouse, if you try a "quick fix" or if you minimize why your spouse is upset.

your spouse can bother you being irrational or if it crossed certain limits or ground rules in your marriage.

"the next time you are angry against your partner, instead of attacking with accusations angry, take some time to calm down first. When you feel peaceful again, you can work together to build a stronger relationship. " . Program The Garden Wedding

This is what you should not say to a spouse Upset.

"It is not a big deal " Yes, it is a big problem for your spouse. the feelings and thoughts of your spouse about the issue are material.
"I can make this better for you." Think you have the solution to the problem or issue your spouse will probably be considered condescending. Your spouse may want to understand and not comforting .

"I had a worse day than you did." the game of one-upmanship can not be won. do not play.
"Whatever" or "I do not care." If you want to come across as super-insensitive, say "all" or "I don t care." These two sentences will ensure that you will have an even more upset spouse.
"I ..." Being defensive will only increase the argument or issue the two you are dealing with.
"...." say anything or to leave the room without saying that you want a time or space for a bit is not a good idea when you have an upset spouse.
"You do not make sense." your spouse may have a different perspective on the situation, but that does not mean the concerns of your spouse are not valid or your spouse needs a reading you.
"you turn me when you are angry." Suggesting that the two of you have sex when you have an upset spouse may be perceived as demeaning and insensitive.

is how you should respond to a joint Upset :.

Recognize your that your spouse is upset not ignore the situation or try to make a joke about it.
Watch the body language. listening involves more than hearing what your spouse has to say. Noticing the non-verbal communication that you both show can give you more understanding.
Avoid eye roll. Rolling your eyes may aggravate the tension between the two of you.
do not walk away. If you need time to think about the situation or some space for you or think your spouse needs space, so say before leaving the room.
Accept the feelings of your spouse as correct. you may not like how your spouse feels, but you are bound by these feelings and to empathize.
Share your own feelings. Share your thoughts on the problem later. Do not wait to share how you feel.
Say "I love you." actually say the words. Do not elaborate. Just saying.
Do not make big decisions. This is not a good idea to rush into important decisions while one of you are unhappy.
Knowing when and how to apologize. Significant apology requires more than saying "I'm sorry."

When Being Upset crosses the line

This is not acceptable for a disgruntled spouse to abuse . If you encounter verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse in your marriage, please seek professional help immediately National Domestic violence Hotline. - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233 )

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