Dr. Sue Johnson is an author, clinical psychologist, researcher, teacher, popular presenter and speaker and a leading innovator in the field of couples therapy. Dr. Johnson is the leading developer of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), which has proven effective in over 25 years of clinical research peer reviewed. She is the author of two books of self-help for the public: Hold Me Tight, Sept Conversations for a life of love and Love Sense, The Revolutionary New Science of relationships . Dr. Johnson is the founding director of the International Centre of Excellence in Emotionally Focused Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant University in San Diego, California, and Professor Emeritus, Clinical Psychology and Therapy, University of Ottawa , Canada. She is the author of several professional handbooks and forms advisors worldwide.
Why the love of learning?
[Laughs] I did not start with love!
I wanted to be a serious academic. It would have been suicide to say that you were studying love in those days. The emotion and love were truly considered "pop psychology" and not scientific at all. You can not study them. So what I started with trying to help very unhappy couples. I am fascinated by the drama of distress. I was blown away by the intensity of the emotion. The fact that you had all the drama of someone the way they treated their emotions ... how they treated their vulnerabilities ... how they have requested support or do not have it ... how they engaged with the most important people in their lives. It was all put out there in techno-color. The other reason I am obsessed with this was that no one seemed to know anything about it! There was nothing out there really useful. There was something on my communication skills that couples do not want anything to do with. The minute emotions become intense, skills went out the window. So I'm curious because it does not seem to have answers. So the study of this kind of held me in love to try to help these couples fix their relationship. We now know that some conversations help transform these couples around. We now call these "Hold Me Tight" conversations. We started to realize that it was on attachment and bonding. I'm obsessed with other research that looked at the link adult. We are caught in what we can not understand as love and attraction. It is revolutionary to say that we understand why love is so powerful and we are all looking to him. We know how to answer the most asked question that Google is " What is love?" We can finally say that this is what love is about ... this is what makes sense and you can actually shape. It's wild! People say that the most important thing for them is to love and be loved. That's what makes a full life and it is worth rigorous scientific investigation.
You have a lot of resistance from the scientific community in the beginning when you went out with some of your studies. you did not have to fight for your studies in journals?
Yes, my first article on adult attachment bond was submitted in 1986 in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. The editor said he was tired of constantly sending for review. Half the people loved and the other half thought it was absolutely absurd. He did not know what to do, but because he loved her, he has published. It was like jumping off the cliff. Nobody talked about it. A few years later other articles came out which showed how adult bonding, attachment and romantic love all show the same motives, feelings and responses that children do with their parents.
For a long time, we evaluated the thought and logic over emotion. Is this change?
The pendulum is a little, but the therapists are people and scientists are rewarded for staying in their head. People are still struggling whether to trust their emotions. Why should it be different in psychology? For many people, emotions lead them in their vulnerability ... their sadness, fears, worry, shame, insecurity. If we do not know how to deal with them and the company says they are a weakness, then having them means that there is something wrong with us. They should be facing yourself to be strong. Until this changes to whole zeitgeist, therapy will not really embrace emotion. But, it comes. People who get better are those who engage their emotions in therapy. We have a love story to try to change things from the outside, using our minds to control and change our emotions. We do not know how to deal with our emotions. Emotions are valuable ... we do not know how to use them to get information and we do not know how to share. People have a love / hate relationship with their own emotions. We like in the movies, but we often hide other in our own lives. We fear that we will be judged. The bottom line is if we let emotions can create a change in the treatment and in the relations of peoples is bloody difficult. You can not really have an impact if you do not work on this emotional level.
What about people struggling to find out how they feel or have an emotional language?
This is a human dilemma and there are many of us in this place. The world has changed so fast and many of us grew up in families where one does not see people talk to that emotional level. So, we are lost. However, I saw thousands of people in troubled relationships learn to enter basic emotions and share them in a way that takes their partner close to them and in a way that makes them feel stronger. I do not think it's hard to do. We must accept that we can do it. Emotions are not so mysterious. There are six basic universal emotions: anger, sadness, shame, fear, surprise, happiness. They are wired in our brains ... you do not get to choose. You can get to know them and hear important messages in them. They can actually be your friend. They can tell you what you need and if you let them they will warn of danger and tell you what you need to move forward in your life. They are not that great dangerous powder keg of things that we can not handle. All humans have them and they are a resource for you. You can use emotions in your messages to those you love to help bring them together. Films have moved along the acceptance of emotions. The industry knows that you can not make a film without showing emotion. People just get up and leave! Tough guys can look anguished and enraged women can positively. If you want a good intimate relationship, you must learn to play the emotional music. There is no way around it.
You insist on "effective addiction" in relations. What?
effective addiction actually comes from the science of attachment, but I learned by watching my couples. With this, two people can admit that they are vulnerable to another and their partner has a huge impact on them. This is the paradox of love. Everyone is struggling with the fact that the person you love can be a great source of good, but they can also hurt you terribly. Effective addiction are what couples can do when they finally managed to get out of the negative distress models such as demand / withdraw and create a sense of security among them. They react with each other at this level more empathy different. They become close and connected. What it looks like is that two people can agree that they need the other person. They can listen to their own emotions and ask what they need from their partner in a way that draws near. All research indicates that to achieve for others is a strength, not a weakness. We are so ambivalent about need others. Whatever you face in life, you're better and stronger when someone is next to you. If you turn off the other on protection, it starts to become a prison. Love is to discover who we are and what we need others. Science proves that we need to love and that it matters.
buying books on Amazon Dr. Johnson: Hold Me Tight Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love and L love Sense: The revolutionary new science of relationships