5 Not-So-Obvious Ways Marriage Changes after baby
Healthy Marriage
If there is ever a time to focus on your marriage, it is when you are expecting a baby. It is a well known fact that marital satisfaction decreases after the birth of the first child. It is naturally a difficult adjustment. You can understand in a logical way that will change, but it seems nothing can really prepare you for the reality. Once you bring a baby into your life, some of the not so obvious situations will most likely affect your marriage.
Cultures Clashing
"Babies can bring out the best and worst in parents," says Leigh Anne O'Conner, a consultant and certified lactation specialist .. parenting in new York City She frequently works with new parents and noted that cultural differences in child rearing can sometimes cause the most tension for a couple, for example, O'Conner recalls: "the custom in many Asian cultures is for the new mom to have a confinement period she stays home and in some cases, do not swim up to 40 days
these moms have strict diets. I have seen many of these moms sneak foods that are taboo or take a quick shower when her mother went to the store. in the best of scenarios, the parent whose own parent is applying their cultural rules takes a stand to protect his new family has the best balance. "
Serious Self Doubt
Lisa Ryan, a licensed professional counselor in Connecticut, specializing in relationship issues, reports that its customers are "some of the most educated people and better paid in the nation, but when the new baby arrives, the belief in their abilities evaporate overnight. There is nothing like a new baby to teach a person in control is just an illusion. The forty books they have read on parenting can not help to calm a crying child. They feel incompetent, unqualified, and get out of their comfort zone. "She further explains that married spouses find it very difficult to meet the needs of each other in the middle of this change." A new baby is the new head of household "Ryan cautions.
trauma triggers
new parents can come to the realization that their parents are not perfect and do not create a safe environment for them while taking care of their new baby. "baby may trigger mounting injury or unmet needs in one or both parents, "according to Denise Onofrey, a Colorado therapist specializing in relationships. Onofrey notes that "a spouse can be triggered by how they think their partner the baby's needs met," and it can really be on its own unmet need. it suggests "using language deliberately when the baby is at the time you maxing you have a language and common sense in place. You many think that what you do meets the needs of your partner for emotional connection, the privacy or reactivity, but it can not be. "A signal could be" you fight on the socks on the floor or having sudden outbursts of anger when the real problem lies much deeper, "Onofrey said. It notes that the feelings that arise in dealing with a new baby are often unknown territory can be intense
Boundary Blowups
One. the most notable change, according to Lisa Bahar, a marriage license in California-based family therapist, concerns, extended family, and in particular laws. "Many new mothers tend to be more restless and short-tempered when the in-laws begin to make suggestions of what to eat, how to decorate or baby's knowledge." She says, "Sometimes new mothers are more sensitive to these suggestions may be to help. However, the new mother feels like she does not seem to know what she did. "mom can start complaining to her husband and her parents do not know how to handle it . Discussion on the roles of the extended family and what level of involvement they have is critical. These discussions should even be taken during pregnancy.
Joint disdaining
Julia Wang, director of the popular website, TheBump.com site noticed several changes in the way married couples interact after their first child. a shift is that couples start to keep score. She notes, "instead of tying together about parenting, you suddenly feel like you are in a competition. You find yourself snapping at each other about who works harder, which was rougher, and whose 'turn' it is. "She suggests making a master list of all the tasks that come with parenting and keeping house." Together, the work of dividing also list in half, so that one spouse does not feel more burdened than the other. in addition, stop keeping account! "She also believes that the spouses cease to be polite to each other." Stress, frustration and lack of sleep can leave you barking orders two to another, without even a "please" or "thank you. 'You are so busy with the baby that you have little or no interest in how you go to another. If you feel ready to bicker about something, try to think how you have reacted pre-baby. "It also warns that sleep deprivation you two guard on edge and even little things with your partner can begin to drive you crazy.
Keep these things in mind before you bring this baby home! Have a plan to deal with these and other outbreaks that can make this worse stressful time. Remember, these are normal reactions that many couples have, and do not take it personally. Recognize and find a way to work on new stressors together. Keep your eye on this and your time with your new miracle will be more enjoyable for you both.
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