There is a significant amount of research indicating that attachment patterns are defined in infancy and continue throughout our lives. An individual is either "secure" or one of three possible models "precarious". Secure style comes from the consistency, reliability and security in childhood. As adults, those who have a secure attachment style can reflect on their childhood and see both the good and the bad that has happened, but in the right perspective. Overall, they generally feel that someone reliable was always available to them in their formative years. As adults, they enjoy close and intimate relationships and are not afraid to take risks in love.
The three reasons of insecurity are "avoidant," "ambivalent" and "disorganized". An avoidant pattern is characterized by a dismissive attitude. This person flees privacy and a lot of difficulties to reach to the other when necessary. Those who have an ambivalent model are often anxious and concerned.
These people can be considered "sticky" or "needy", often requiring a lot of validation and reassurance. The disorganized model is often the result of trauma or extreme inconsistency in her childhood, and is characterized by vacillation between avoidant and ambivalent state.
The good news is that one need not be a victim of their past, unable to change or develop. For those who are less fortunate and do not have a naturally secure style, there is the possibility of "security won": develop a secure style through relationships and interactions in adulthood. Security can also develop in the framework of friendship and psychotherapy, however, it comes mainly by adult relationships. The strategy for creating a secure adult attachment style earned involves reconciling childhood experiences, and to make sense of the impact of the past had on the present and the future. It is; it is imperative to develop a coherent story about what happened to you as a child. You also need to explore the impact it had on the decisions you might unknowingly have done on how to survive in the world.
Earned security takes an average of three to five years depending on the effective attachment literature. Getting married and becoming a parent are vital to shift its attachment style. A good marital relationship is imperative to change your sense of security. Characteristics of a good relationship include two parts being mutually care, support, respect and love for each other. This, in turn, moves negative internal model of attachment insecurity victim. Our brains, thank you neuroplasticity, begin to change. Then we can integrate these new experiences in our lives. It can help us confidence that a reliable and consistent caregiver (like our spouse) will be there for us in our times of distress - the opposite of what we may have learned in childhood.
When we triggered our current partner, we can react on time, buried and remembered not aware of our childhood experiences. Sometimes couples go into repeating units of the same type of interaction and do not know how things got so "hand." They can fight on a "matter surface," still insecure attachment triggers are underlying such interactions. Emotional arousal and responsiveness can sometimes seem very disproportionate to the situation. Depending on the seriousness of this becomes, couples therapist, especially one with an attachment orientation, may be needed to help facilitate changes in the security environment of the therapist's office.
the track won security is a challenge with taking risk and vulnerability lot, but it can bring you the kind of love that you have always wanted. the reward is well worth the work, as an attachment style "won" Secure can change your life and your relationships for the better, permanently.
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