As a marriage therapist, I know how frustrating this job can be. After a long time practicing, we can begin to see early on which couples will do well and that his will not. I am sure I can speak for those in this profession we always hope a good result for both the couple and the relationship. There are, however, certain attitudes, traits and behaviors that can seriously derail the work. Here's what some therapists had to say.
How can you tell if the therapy will be useful for the couple?
"Couples who are willing to practice healthy communication tools. Educate couples on how to use feeling words can lead to effective communicate with each other. in addition, it opens the vulnerability and sharing in the relationship. " Leslie Holley, LCPC, Chicago, Illinois
" When the couple realizes that things could be very bumpy as they begin to change their behavior and communication patterns before it starts to get better, and they are willing to be patient and persistent.
and, when couples are committed to teamwork rather than see as the enemy. couples must also be open-minded, self-reflection, and work on individual issues that affect the relationship ". Melody Li-A LMFT, NCC, Austin, Texas
"What makes the success of treatment, of course, would be the auto-focus capability: the ability to be enough vulnerable in your presence partner to open up and show your emotion under-belly fragile. the therapy is successful when each partner spends his time in the treatment to be curious about themselves. They should definitely learn a lot from each other, but self-discovery and self-illumination is the key not only to successful treatment, but a lasting and successful marriage. " Michael D. Zentman, PhD Director, Adelphi University, Program graduate studies in couples therapy, New York
"both partners are willing to do whatever it takes to save their marriage. Despite the problems and the current level of woe, they make the love and care for each other. They are open to the process of therapy and willing to take emotional risks session. " Jessica Marchena, LMHC, Boca Raton, Florida
" A couple who will try it I suggest, even if it feels strange or uncomfortable, is very likely to be successful in therapy. Some couples are willing to take responsibility for their role in the current challenge. This is a huge game changer. No one is solely responsible for all the problems in a relationship. When both partners are able to recognize what they have done in a situation in the long term to contribute to questions, they are much more likely to move forward in a positive way. " Meredith Goldsmith, LMFT, Garden City, New York
" successful couples shows regularly, have a common goal, and both partners have individual therapy in collaboration with working couples . They also implement the suggestions developed in weekly working couples, and are highly motivated. " Kelley Kitley, LCSW, Chicago, Illinois
" If the two are engaged, then the greatest sign of success is when two people are able to develop deep empathy for triggers and the views of their partner. True privacy is only to be able to be any security vulnerabilities. " Sara Sedlik, LMFT, Los Angeles, California
How can you tell if the treatment will probably not help the couple?
"Partners that do not take steps to begin treating resentment can lead to sessions that are reinforced with emotions and incomprehension relentless. Identification of resentment and work through anger can help couples grow in their understanding of their partner, and in turn, themselves. " Leslie Holley, LCPC, Chicago, Illinois
" When partners insist on keeping secrets from each other or one partner is willing and ready to work. The other partner is often "dragged" in it is or therapy to soothe the other partner. In addition, when the couple resist putting what they learn into practice, and waiting for a session a week will solve all their problems or when the couple sets unrealistic expectations and leave therapy prematurely. " Melody Li-A LMFT, NCC, Austin, Texas
" The most destructive thing to a positive result in couples therapy is the absolute blame. Almost all couples entering treatment each person feeling unjustly and unfairly treated by their partner. Blame is a normal response: a list of things that have been done, or not done, which resulted in a loss of security and emotional closeness in the relationship. Each person has this list, if not on paper, in their minds. " Michael D. Zentman, PhD Director, Adelphi University, Graduate Program in couples therapy, New York
"The couple are not honest with each other . a partner may be a bond and come just to appease their partner, but are really planning an exit strategy. a spouse may be ambivalent and angry and wants their partner to make any change. They are not open to see their role in the negative pattern that disconnect keeps. " Jessica Marchena, LMHC, Boca Raton, Florida
" Some couples come in viewing the therapist as a referee will determine which right and who is wrong. I sat with many couples who reenact a chronic argument and make strong attempts to get me to take a side. other couples do everything in their power to discredit what the therapist said, especially if it is not what they expect to hear. Unfortunately, this simply sabotages the progress they could earn in therapy. " Meredith Goldsmith, LMFT, Garden City, New
" unsuccessful couples are not consistent, have different core values that lead to frequent conflicts and are not able to accept or appreciate their perspective partners. They take a narcissistic approach, are not open to suggestions or defensive. " Kelley Kitley, LCSW, Illinois Chicago
" what I see in my practice that contributes to unsuccessful couples counseling is the reluctance to truly commit to therapy. Unfortunately, working couples takes time - more than a few sessions, and that day, many do not want to spend money or take the time commitment " Sara Sedlik, LMFT, Los Angeles, California [
Couples therapists are finding that two people who are going on their side is sometimes the best choice. However, in most cases, the couple can and should work out. Undergoing therapy torque is a brave choice for couples who take this path. If you go, it is wise to bring your best self to the process, following the direction of professional and keep hope!
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