By Marni Feuerman
Couples face constant challenges together. Some are small and some become insurmountable. Some challenges they can handle themselves, but some require the help of a therapist to successfully work through them. Sometimes couples begin to feel like enemies or live like roommates instead of being partners and lovers. If it seems that you can not seem to solve your problems on your own and things are spiraling down, you should definitely consider the couples' or marriage therapy.
Unfortunately, some couples who may benefit from therapy are reluctant to get help. One or both partners in the relationship resists because of widespread false ideas. Here are seven common myths about couples therapy and the truths behind the disinformation
1. Couples therapy has a low success rate.
Unfortunately, many therapists who work with couples are not trained in a useful model of couples therapy. This is a problem in the helping profession as a whole.
Seeing a therapist who are not specifically trained and experienced enough to deal with specialized issues faced a couple can, indeed, have low success rate. That's why you need to seek a therapist with specialty in couples therapy, and sees a high percentage of couples in their practice. A therapist certified in a form of therapy, as emotionally focused therapy (EFT) based on research can bring a lot of relevant and many effective technical information in your treatment. Certification in such forms of counseling requires many hours of training and supervision. It is important to ask the right questions and know if a therapist has extensive specialized training in working with couples. These therapists can charge a premium, and may or may not take insurance, but the difference in the level of treatment can save your relationship.
2. Couples therapy will take "forever".
Again, a therapist trained using a model based on research, the treatment is more of a short-term process than you might think. Certainly there are exceptions, and there is no way to predict, but three to six months can have you well on your way to a more stable relationship. It can be a little more if there are significant complexities or psychological symptoms present. Cases involving infidelity or other betrayals may also require more processing time before we see positive change and healing. A trained therapist can put you on the path to change much faster than a therapist who does not specialize in this area. It did not take "forever" to see results.
3. I will be blamed for all the problems.
Unless some form of abuse or neglect, it is rarely the case with a qualified therapist. Therapists most experienced couples explore the underlying cycles of interaction - namely, the behavior of both partners. These group activities are considered "the problem." Each partner must understand its role in maintaining the structure to change. Even in cases where he infidelity, these models should be examined. It is very unlikely one partner will only be blamed for relationship problems you're trying to solve.
4. My partner really needs individual therapy first.
When a partner has significant psychological symptoms, couples therapy may not be the only recommended treatment. However, it may be a good place to start. successful couples therapy can actually help reduce those symptoms of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress and other psychological disorders. a stronger and united relationship will naturally reduce with partners at a time, even if one partner is struggling with a psychological disorder. couples therapy can operate at the same time individual therapy for one or both partners. They are not mutually exclusive, and need not precede the other.
5. The therapist will tell us whether we should stay together or break.
There are some therapists who can say if you have many, many challenges and considering a commitment like marriage. If you are married, be sure to choose a friendly marriage therapist who values restoring your relationship to health, if possible. Many therapists couples (and should) make that the first priority in most cases. The role of a therapist is to help you understand how your relationship goes wrong and guide you to a way to fix it as long as you are willing to make the effort. The decision to remain in a relationship should always be yours, not your therapist.
6. There is no way to solve our problems because they are too long.
Couples wait an average of six years before seeking help for their troubled marriage. However, even these long-standing problems can be solved with proper treatment. There are methods to help treat old wounds and injuries that have helped many couples. The only couples who are not helped are those where both are not willing to make an effort. If you simply want to check the "We tried therapy," then it will not help you. No matter how long you've been in a dysfunctional pattern, if you really are as engaged in the process of treatment, then there is great hope!
7. If we talk about our problems, things will just worsen.
there are chances that your own attempts to talk about your problems have makes things worse. Or, you may even have previous experience of therapy that has made things worse. the skills of the therapist and their ability to manage constructively negative emotions and responsiveness between couples will be an important factor. the therapist must create a safe space for you and your partner, where discussions are productive.
There are many myths people hold that prevent them from seeking the help they need in their relationship. It's understandable to not know what to expect from this treatment. But you can put aside the myths and courageously enter couples therapy for the best chance to save a failing relationship. Your full effort torque, combined with a highly trained therapist, will give you a good shot at success.
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