So you've got to a point in your marriage where you are seriously considering divorce. This decision has potentially serious negative consequences for you, your spouse and those you are close with your life. It is a choice that must be thought through carefully and deliberately.
1. What you got to the point where divorce is on the table?
This is complicated and it will be difficult for you to be objective. Have you grown apart and out? Ask conflicts mismanaged? Are you avoidant and do not want to?
Some people say that "feelings are gone." This is a sad and painful place to be. If you have a business, you will not have a clear idea of your feelings toward your spouse. It is totally unrealistic to compare your spouse with your new lover.
The feelings were once there or he never would have been a second date, much less a wedding. for your return sentiments, you must be willing to put behavior before feelings.
Act as if you have loving feelings can have a very surprising and positive impact on your interactions with your spouse.
If you are not ready to watch your own contributions to the state of your marriage, you will most certainly bring some of your problems in your next relationship. It is imperative for you to think that you need to change. Why not practice it with your spouse?
2. What did you do to try to fix the problems so you do not have at this point?
If you have never been to marriage counseling together, so that would be the downside of trying? If not, perhaps you "try", but it was not your best effort. Perhaps the therapist you have chosen is not a good choice for one or two of you. Or, as is sometimes the case, one or two of you were not completely honest about everything .
At this stage of your marriage crisis, I suggest looking for highly skilled marriage therapist. Now is not the time to be cheap about it. This is too important a decision. There are chances that you poor problem solvers were about your marital problems and need professional help. Go with your own agenda for change in yourself, not what you want to change in your partner, have a better chance of success.
3. What will be the impact on your children?
This may not apply to some readers, but if you have children who are still at home, you need to think about how this will affect their lives. It will be something that will change significantly regardless of the "smooth" you believe the divorce process will be for you and your spouse. Contrary to what you might be saying yourself, unless there is a significant amount of conflict, such as fighting or abuse frequent and strong, your kids just want a home with you two in it. Research shows that children do better together emotionally with you even if you are not satisfied, that divorced. Having two households is not fun for them and it can actually be for you.
You might even come to regret your divorce, as many people. Will you agree with a new romantic partner, your spouse being around your children? You will not be able to control it. families "mixed" pose many complications. The divorce rate is worse for subsequent marriages. Since the odds are not in your favor, why not try to make your situation better?
4. What were the best moments in your relationship?
When have you felt the most connection with your spouse? What was happening when you felt the most joy and happiness? Think about what attracted you to your partner. What traits do you fall in love with (though they may be doing your crazy now)? Only focus right now on the positives. Are you able to think back to this place? If you can imagine, there are chances that you can get there with the right process.
Do not stay in the bubble of indecision for too long. It may seem comfortable, but you really just have three choices :. (1) remain the same and continue as-is, (2) move the separation and divorce, (3) try an all-out effort to reconcile
ambivalence, or "sitting on the fence" can be worked through and is best done with the right professional. In fact, a process called "Discernment Counseling" has proven to be very effective in helping couples divorce work by their own decision rather than remain indefinitely in a place of indecision and unhappiness. Even if you are both on different pages right now, it's time to deal with this difficult situation. At the very least, your vows require you to work on a troubled marriage before giving up
recommended books for purchase on Amazon for further reading :. Divorce Busting two or divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner-Davis