Many times an adult is diagnosed with ADD or ADHD after a child is diagnosed. Then the lights go off in the head of the other spouse as behaviors that hurt and sabotage the marriage are recognized as ADHD symptoms and not a lack of compassion or motivation.
Even with this awareness, the presence of AD / HD in a marriage can lead to unhealthy responses by non-ADHD spouse as well as the feeling of being overwhelmed and resentful. If the spouse with ADHD is in denial or used the diagnosis as an excuse to keep harmful behavior, it can lead a spouse to be at the end of his / her senses.
"Experts say that many of them [adults with attention disorders]. The fight at home, where their tendency to be distracted is a constant source of conflict Some research suggests that these adults are twice as likely being divorced, another study found high levels of distress in 60 percent of marriages where one spouse had the disorder "
. Source: Tara Parker-Pope. "Attention disorders can take a toll on the marriage." NYTimes.com. 19/07/2010
Note :. Do not try to yourself or your spouse diagnose. Seek professional help for the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD.
Negative ADD / ADHD behaviors and consequences that can hurt your marriage
- lack of monitoring and irresponsibility. regarding household chores, your spouse does not follow through or not responsible for the disruption in your home or for housekeeping. A messy house and who does what and when is a major problem in your marriage.
- Interruptions. Your spouse interrupts you and others much to the point where you think what is the point trying to have a conversation and you are bothered by the apparent rudeness to friends and family members
- Refused Your spouse will not admit he made a mistake - .. even when it's obvious. Your partner may also reject the diagnosis of ADHD.
- Distraction. When your spouse is inattentive, easily distracted or impulsive, you feel like climbing a wall and disappear.
- Nagging. you hate to do much more nagging, but you do not know what to do to get your spouse to complete disorganized anything or put anything away, or keep promises, etc.
- financial problems. your financial situation is precarious because your spouse are not good at handling money, spending too much, forgetting to pay the bills, can not keep a job, and / or will not talk about money problems with you.
- Up Role. you often feel more like a parent than a partner equal to your spouse. You will find remembering your forgetful spouse to take medicine, meeting appointments, remembering birthdays, implementing projects, etc.
- Low Sex Marriage. Your sex is less than one of you would like it to be.
- decisions. decisions or discuss difficult issues with your spouse is almost impossible.
- be Ignored. as your spouse retreats in a computer game or other project, you may feel ignored or think that your marriage is in a rut, but your spouse does not see your marriage in the same way .
- Genoa. Walking on eggshells around your partner is the only way you find that you can maintain peace in your marriage.
Although these are not all the actions and behaviors associated with AD / HD that can harm a marriage, they are classic examples. Even if your marriage can be undermined by such conduct, with proper diagnosis, treatment, and the desire of each of you to develop positive coping strategies, you two can have a successful marriage and happy.
Book Recommendations for ADHD marriages
distraction Married (2010)
by Edward M. Hallowell, MD, Sue George Hallowell, LICSW, Melisa Orlov
Clip
quote: ". the very least, intimacy requires attention Without attention, emotional closeness is iimpossible Distraction is an intimate conversation that water is fire" pg.... 12.
the ADHD Effect on marriage (2010)
by Melissa Orlov.
Clip
Is it you, me, or Adult Add Stopping the Roller Coaster When someone you love has a deficit attention disorder (08)
Gina Pera
Quote: ". They are [people with untreated ADHD] likely to burn through friendships and relationships more quickly than average and more prone to marital discord and divorce. " pg. 327.