We all have an "inner community 'influences on our thoughts and behaviors. This is the internalization of many experiences of our family, our education, and other important relationships throughout our lives. Much of what lies beneath the surface of conscious thought, but it is shaping the way we feel, act and respond to others. It is therefore logical to consider how these past experiences may be undermining your marriage.
Are you able to feel secure in your marriage?
Have you given up, physically and / or emotionally, by your parents? This can you have very poor or anxious, and sensitive to rejection. Think those you love, you leave. If not, have you been the victim of physical and / or emotionally? You may have been left feeling ashamed, suspicious, or intimidated. You think those you love will hurt you. Your sensitivities are around the control or dependence. These experiences are difficult vulnerability.
You could do things to keep you voluntarily as a form of self-protection.
Are you able to work independently?
Have you been discouraged from forming your own identity as a child? Your parents were too enmeshed in your life, making you unsure of your ability to make decisions, your ability to survive on your own and have your own ideas? If so, from these blurred boundaries, you may have developed feelings of incompetence, vulnerability and dependence. Accordingly, you are checked in your personal relationship and have become liabilities. Your afraid to tell you that you have to use misleading or secret strategies instead of communicating directly with your spouse. You can have a deep conviction that you can not do it on your own and let your spouse-on function for you. This makes it difficult to just "be yourself" in the presence of your spouse.
Are you able to connect emotionally with your spouse?
did you grow up in an environment that lacked warmth, nurturance or affection? you can have a model fleeting previous relationships or short. you could describe having feelings of loneliness, emptiness or feeling that no one cared you. you now have indifference about your relationship with your spouse and act away or detached. you do not trust that someone would be there for you. This will impact on privacy and commitment in your relationship that you can not grasp what it should actually look or feel like. this makes it very difficult for you to reach out to your spouse in a loving way. It can also make it difficult to reach for your spouse when you have needs. The disconnection will inevitably ruin your relationship
-yourself Are value?
Do you remember being made to feel that you are measuring? Have you been constantly criticized in the past? You can not have been hired or promoted in a healthy way, which causes the feeling of being unlovable or defective. You constantly feel you're never good enough and are quick to take the blame. You are "sensitive", can not laugh at yourself and feel easily inadequate. It makes you want constantly external validation, sometimes at the expense of your spouse who loves you (warts and all).
Are you able to Express Yourself?
Did your parents leave you a voice? If not, you are now a "people-pleaser" who does not speak. You often feel rejected, misunderstood or manipulated. You think to yourself that your needs do not count, so why bother. It encourages you to keep your emotions and needs bottled while quietly building resentment. This leads to either a victim mentality or pretend that "all is well" in your relationship, even when it is not.
are you able to let go sometimes?
Did you grow up in a high stress, impoverished environment or too religious? Did you have to take more responsibility than what is appropriate ? for a child this may have led to you become too disciplined and a perfectionist you can even expect that your spouse (and children) and your self-talk says.. "no one can better than I can, so I may as well make myself do it. " You can unwittingly think your spouse to be lazy or weak due to your extremely high standards. This can also inspire you to do something suddenly and spontaneously character and make bad choices. This mentality makes it difficult for you to slow down, or be playful and romantic with your spouse.
Are you able to accept and set limits?
Did your parents pamper yourself, do too much for you, or put you up on a pedestal? You now expect the same special treatment and are reluctant to people who do not. You have a sense of entitlement and think you are more above. For your spouse, this grandiosity and inability to see how you treat others would be disturbing, to say the least. He or she will feel unable to live up to your expectations, to believe that you can not be satisfied. You desperately need a framework for mutual partnership and love.
Have you answered "no" to one of the headline issues? By continuing to let this emotional baggage sabotage your marriage can ultimately lead to dissatisfaction, disconnection, and potential infidelity. Be honest about what part of your behavior and feelings arise from interactions between you and your partner, or past negative experiences. If you need professional help to work through this, then entrust your spouse, ask for his help in working on issues and engage. You can undo the wrong and find a way happier to relate to your husband or wife. A secure connection securely with your spouse may also reverse damage from these negative influences and make you a happier person.