There is no simple answer to what causes the addiction. A promising piece of the emerging puzzle experts see addiction as a form of "insecure attachment." In short, the commitment is a deep bond, emotional, usually between two people. In addition, the attachment theory holds the position that we need this attachment to others to manage our own emotions over the long term. Mood altering chemicals, alcohol or drugs can become a substitute for this. In essence, it is an unhealthy way to calm down emotionally rather than turn to a support system (eg, a spouse) to feed. emotional withdrawal of a marriage addict can be devastating to both spouses. Here are some considerations about addiction and dedication to help you gain a more complete understanding of what is happening with your loved one.
According to Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, senior clinical advisor for Caron Ocean Drive treatment facility, "Attachment theory provides a framework for understanding the cause, effect and successful treatment for schemas destructive relationship that emanate from the addictive health and behavioral issues.
Somewhere along their critical development path, usually in infancy, responsible n has not managed to be there for them in a loving and nurturing way "He continues." as a result, the child has learned that the world was dangerous, untrustworthy people and resources in this rare. " Therefore, the result is a secure fixing.
These experiences lead people to use coping strategies for their needs, some of which may be dysfunctional or outright destructive. Dr. Hokemeyer further explains that these early negative experiences have become "imprinted in the most primitive part of the brain of the person called the limbic system." The use of substances may have originally worked well for pain relief in finally allowing the person to feel safe and grounded in the world, even if only temporarily. Dr. David Sack, Director of Behavioral Health elements, and comments, "Drugs and alcohol may seem to provide the answer. The relief they offer painful emotions dissipates, however, and that continued use more of the substance will be needed to achieve the same effect. As the addiction grows, addiction can cause. "
it is difficult to know what a spouse can deal with this crisis and it is easy to fall into a scheme to allow the addict. Dr. Hokemeyer calls this "destructive taken care of." As disturbing as it is to watch a loved one struggle with addiction, Dr. Sack advises: "You can not overcome the addiction of your spouse for them, but you can help create an emotional climate that makes possible recovery. "He continues:" Let them know that you understand the difficulty of the challenge they face, and you're in their corner Encourage them to explore the roots of their addiction ;. consumption of alcohol or drugs may seem the main issue, but it is often a symptom of a deeper problem. " Relapses are also part of the recovery process. Dr. Sack encourages spouses to be considered as "failures instead of failures."
"While most people think that caretaking is ipso facto productive and healthy, allowing a form of guards that are not "Dr. Hokemeyer It describes how effectively allow the opposite of help." with favorable behavior, the joint allows the person dependence escape the consequences of their illness and become subsumed in insecure attachment their partner. " Accordingly, the disease of addiction is the substitution care provider, so to speak.
"The commitment of the addict to their partner turned away by their addiction." ~ Dr. David Sack, M.D.
Dr. Sack echoes some of the same feelings. "Attachment is all about the connection, but sometimes dependence requires that we practice healthy detachment to really help those we love. This may seem to be the opposite of interdependent obligations we create when we become a couple. It is because these links are so strong that we can find we put the needs and feelings of the first addict and unwittingly perpetuate their drug use problem. " Dr. Sack further explains, "Drug addiction causes changes in the brain that can lead a person to lie, cheat and steal to maintain their habit." By setting limits on what behavior you are willing to accept help to direct them to the recovery and make it much more likely to restore the relationship you once enjoyed.
When one spouse works on recovery, there are ways to help establish a secure base for himself . without activating James Trone, a licensed professional counselor who works with dependencies in private practice Nashville, says. "There are several important considerations when helping a spouse into recovery firstly, it is to be accessible and open to the vulnerability of each other. Secondly, it is to be able to give and to have autonomy in the relationship. " He believes that the partners should be able to get to a place to share their emotions, fundamental underlying to another. Trone explains: "These are the sweet emotions of fear, pain and sadness" Finally, spouses should "be able to negotiate their needs with each other ... it's like learning a new language.". Set limits, firm limits and direct a spouse to maintain the recovery is essential. Trone encourages spouses to stop codependency by "share your full voice" with him or her. He warns that this is not the time to "dismiss your own feelings and needs," but it is a time to face the problem head on. These are proactive measures to transfer the attachment to someone from a substance to where it should be, with their partner.
KEEP YOUR NEW MARRIAGE ON TRACK ... SIGN UP FOR MARRIAGE EMAIL WEEKLY NEWSLETTER TODAY!