please note: This article is not about the injuries that are caused by physical or emotional abuse in a marriage. If you are in a dysfunctional marriage that includes domestic violence, please seek professional and legal assistance as soon as possible
The cycle of suffering
A cycle that many married couples fall when an injury occurs in marriage is to clam on the issue, remove each other, overstated evil, hold a grudge, walking on eggshells around each other, dig in their heels on the issue, allow bitterness to build, and end in a cold war and profound disillusionment.
The secret
If you are injured by something that your spouse said or did not say or something that your spouse did or did not do, to save your marriage, you need to talk about the situation and evil.
"Marriages often break down because of a hurt accumulation of indifference, insensitivity, retaliation, physical violence, criticism, nagging, or injure another to draw attention.
When we are hurt, pain makes us turn in on ourselves, focusing on the pain rather than the other person. one who is injured and the one who does evil both need healing "
. Source: Gerald Foley Courage to Love ... Hurts When your marriage 1992. pg. 101...
feelings
the often negative feelings tag along when you are injured. These feelings can bring with them more hurtful thoughts. Not to mention what happens inside you, evil can continue to grow. Here is a list of feeling words to get you started in learning how you feel.
denial of resentment ~~ ~ ~ ~~ ~~ injured discouragement angry distrust
shot alarmed ~~ ~~ ~~ cold loneliness ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ used empty attacked lost ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ broken caution tired torn ~~ ~~ defeated disdained ~~ ~~ defensive rejected
unintentional hurts
Although unintentional injuries are really too numerous to mention and what hurts one person will not hurt a another, here are some common ways couples hurt each other unintentionally cause pain.
- Being Thoughtless
- Forgetfulness
- Insensitivity
- Unkindness
- Hurtful Teasing
- selfishness
- control
- Silent Treatment
- Ignoring your spouse
- Apathy
Intentional Hurts
Intentional hurts when you hurt your spouse, you know you do, and you continue to do so. These injuries often occur in the midst of arguments, clashes between them, and misunderstandings.
- An example of the creation of intentional injury is if you decide to watch porn, even if you know it is the cause of your spouse distress. Other ways you can intentionally damage your marriage include:
- spend too much time on computer games, social media, tasks or volunteer work.
- Lying about your finances or having an affair.
- Do not be useful for tasks around the house or not be ready to take care of your children.
- Avoid talking about sexual problems, issues of regulation, friendship concerns, your differences, and other unresolved issues.
- Viewing a lack of respect for your spouse.
- Sabotage your wedding.
- Being irresponsible.
- Do not keep your promises.
More of what you should do
- Know what causes the pain.
- Talk.
- Listen to each other.
- See a professional marriage counselor.
- Be kind and let go of the pain.
do not let things between you two unspoken. If you do nothing wrong when fact occur, you will eventually drift. Do not let emotional part removing bcome your wedding.
What experts Marriage others have to say about Hurt in marriage
"Speak to find answers rather than blame or hurt your spouse ... the reason to discuss problems is to find better ways to make the marriage work "
Source :. H. Wallace Goddard, Kathleen Rodgers. "Strengthen your marriage." UTExtension
"When we bury our conflicts rather than confront them, when we fill our pain instead of dealing with it, a process is set in motion. You may think that you get rid of conflict by burying it, but you are burying alive and will continue to haunt you Avoidance will eventually lead you to a place you're not one to go: .. ... The emotional divorce wedding dreams you once shared will die a slow and painful death "
Source:.. Gary Rosberg, Barbara Rosberg Healing the Hurt in your marriage 04. pg 6.
"Allow your partner to be imperfect. A wise lady said she decided to allow her husband ten faults. When he did something that bothered her, she said: "Well, there is one of its shortcomings. I can live with it "
Source :. H. Wallace Goddard, Kathleen Rodgers. "Strengthen your marriage." UTExtension
"One of the keys to a successful marriage is to assess the strengths. Every marriage has problems. But using your energy wisely, you can continue to make the marriage stronger. "
. Source: H. Wallace Goddard, Kathleen Rodgers" Strengthen your marriage "UTExtension
" All couples. facing difficulties, and all couples have differences. These differences may center on money, laws, religion or any other area of life ... When one or both marriage partners insist on "my way or not at all, they move their wedding winter winter can last a month, or it can last thirty years "
Source: .. Gary Chapman Les 4 Saisons marriage :. Secrets of a lasting marriage 05. pg 10. [