Whether seems "out of the blue" or you've been sensing for a long time, it is scary as hell when your spouse wants to leave. (By the way, it is never "out of the blue", but that's another article). Maybe this time you'll do anything to save the marriage ... even therapy. However, if your spouse says "I'm done?"
As goes-- said it is not over 'till it is finished. If you still want to save your marriage, there are many things you need (and should not) do.
The top 10 things you should not do if your spouse wants to leave you and you want to save your marriage:
- not beg, advocate, or continue making requests. This will backfire and turn off your spouse.
- not making excessive phone calls and texts to your spouse. Do not act desperate or needy.
- Do not continually remember all the good points in marriage or on you.
- Do not try to make him / her to read marriage books, look at your pictures marriage, etc.
- not to drag your spouse around the house like a sad puppy. In fact, do not seem like a sad puppy at all!
- Do not ask family or friends to encourage your spouse to stay with you. Discuss such personal issues with these people will upset your spouse and make things worse.
- Do not buy gifts, flowers and cards to make up for what you did. You will not be able to buy love.
- Do not spying on spouses along in your car, checking emails, cell phone bills, etc.
- Do not say "I love you." Your spouse is not in the mood to hear right now, and it comes off as manipulative or "pushy."
- Do not go wild. Stay away from drugs, alcohol, bar scene or have sex with others. If you really want to get your spouse back, these behaviors will not do it!
the top 10 things you need to do if your spouse wants you and let you want to save your marriage:
- Do not make your "best self" to the crisis. It is not the time to fall apart, go into a rage or get revenge. Muster the best attitude.
- Do keep your appearance. going unshaven, smelly not showering, looking like a slob or sitting endlessly on the couch watching TV will not be attractive to your spouse at all.
- Make respectful behavior towards your spouse and have self respect also.
- do act as if you advance with confidence, no matter whether your spouse stays with you.
- Do keep busy. Continue your daily activities. And go on your own, with friends, with family and children. Go to a place of worship, trying a new hobby, exercise. In other words, get a life for yourself, despite what happens with your marriage. You can invite your spouse, but does not react negatively if he or she does not take on your suggestion. Do not change your plans for.
- Do not give your spouse some space! Do not question your partner about his / her whereabouts or schedule.
- Do not let your spouse see you as content regardless of your current feelings. Your moods will fluctuate. However, you must be someone that your spouse would want to be around because you're nice.
- Do not let your spouse comes to you with any questions or concerns about marriage, not the reverse. Other than sincere let your partner know that you want to save the marriage, be patient about the discussions on both of you. If he or she is speaking, be an active and engaged listener, showing that you care about what is said.
- Do not engage in arguments. Do not "take the bait" if your spouse is trying to get to. You may even have to walk. (If your spouse claims that you "always walk," indicate that you would be happy to stay and have a civil chat ... then do it!)
- get help. Read self-help or self-improvement books or see a counselor (with experience with couples). Divorce Remedy is a good book for you.
It can be devastating to hear that your spouse wants to leave. Even spouses who say they want to divorce are actually still a little ambivalent about doing so. You want the best opportunity to have things work in your favor. Many people sabotage completely by acting desperate, angry, mean or vindictive. This is the opposite of what you should do.
Follow these dos and don'ts, and above all be consistent in these actions and behaviors. You must demonstrate that you are capable of real change. You need to think deeply about what you two got there. What behaviors are you ready to change to get your marriage back on track? Think about what your spouse has probably been complaining for a long period. What have you been negligent in hearing your spouse?
It may seem unfair that you have to do any change. For now, yes, you probably because you are at a disadvantage. You must change essentially first. If you have an addiction (porn, or other substance) or you had an affair or if you are abusive (physical and / or emotional), you must obtain your own treatment to work on these. You will also have a long road ahead to repair the damage you have caused.
Bringing positive change (if your marriage work or not) is always a good idea. There are opportunities there behaviors or traits you have that would be problematic in most relationships. If you can get your spouse back on board with you to work on the marriage, making changes would certainly not in vain
shopping AMAZON :. Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner-Davis
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