"I need space!" Very often this phrase is thrown without really thinking about what is said. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and hurt feelings by both partners in a marriage. The "space" we are talking about here is not an apartment across town. It is not a loose way of saying that you want your marriage. It is only time, usually at home, sometimes a walk or time in a gym, for you only.
"However you like your job, you still need a vacation. But you love your family, you .. still need a little time alone people tend to feel guilty about taking time for themselves, perhaps they would not be if they realized that this gave them more energy to spend with their loved ones "
Source :. Steven Slon AARP Magazine September and October 07, page 8.
Definition of space
When you are told that you need space, this type of space you ask?- creative space
- Quiet space
- workspace
- emotional space
- Fun space
- Far space
- Financial space
Dr. Laura Vaz, a psychoanalyst, said in an article Shaadi.com to "space means accepting the person with their differences. This means not cast someone in the picture that you want, but to accept that there will be difference and not force a change in your partner. space includes the element of privacy. people want time for themselves. "Vanetta Chapman writes in Christianity Today that" When couples are committed to enable all the space and outside interests they need, they have strong marriages. According to Dr. James Dobson one factor that does more damage to families than any other is "fatigue and time pressure, leaving each member of the exhausted and harassed family. One way to avoid this trap of exhaustion is to allow each other time alone. "
Benefits of having your own space
- Time self-realization.
- quiet moments to exchange thoughts with yourself.
- It is time to re-energize, regroup and reconnect.
Recommendations When Discussing your needs space
- Defining what kind of space you need. be specific and be honest.
- Do not wait until you you feel suffocated or trapped in your marriage requesting space.
- Accept that want or need space in your marriage is okay. that does not mean that your marriage is in trouble.
- Let your spouse know that you are still very attached to your marriage and your need space or time alone or away time does not diminish your love or desire for your partner.
- If your spouse requires some space, do not take it personally.
- not measure or judge your marriage by how other couples live. Do what is best for you two.
How to give another space
- If the need requires physical space, such as a corner of a room, a desk, chair, etc. then work together to create this physical space.
- If the necessary space is emotional, so do not chat when your partner is reading a book, or asked for a quiet evening.
- If the desired space is the space - fishing, a weekend at a spa to go - time or without children - then make plans for this type of time off in your budget planning and planning the schedule.
- fiscal space can be created by having separate checking accounts to suit monthly allowances.
- Add another day off several times a month and the calendar on the calendar of your family. This means that the spouse of the day is free of responsibilities for children, pets, and home. Start with three hours of free time and work over time you get used to both the idea.