All the decisions you make in your marriage have consequences
All the decisions you make in your marriage have consequences -
Photo: Victor Maffe / E + / Getty Images
By Sheri Stritof
Marriage Expert
By Sheri Stritof
Have you ever thrown a pebble into a puddle? If you have, you probably noticed that the rings will flow from the point of impact ... and then they go back to where the rock landed.
Your actions and decisions in your marriage are like that. They all have consequences. Some of the consequences are natural. Some of the consequences are logical.
Although the natural and logical consequences theory focuses mainly on children's behavior, we believe it is applicable to the marriage relationship, too.
What are the natural consequences?
natural consequences are the natural result of an event. If you touch a hot stove, the natural consequence is that your finger will be burned. If you stand in the rain without an umbrella, the natural consequence is that you will get wet. If you stay too late and do not get enough sleep, the natural consequence is that you will be tired the next day.
A natural consequence of a husband verbally assaulting his wife during the day is that it is not going to be receptive to sexual intimacy that night. An additional natural consequence of his verbal abuse is that his wife will start to distance themselves from him.
What are the logical consequences?
Logical consequences are the result of an agreed arrangement. If you accelerate, the logical consequence is that you will receive a ticket because you accepted laws for speeding when you applied for your license. If you do not pay the monthly mortgage payment on your home, the logical consequence is that the lender foreclosure because you agreed to make the payments.
If a couple agrees that the clothes belong in the dirty clothes hamper, the logical consequence of clothes to put in the basket is that the clothes will not be washed.
important aspects of dealing with natural and logical consequences in a successful marriage
Be aware of yourself and take the time to get to know you.
Share feelings with each other. Remember that feelings are neither good nor bad. They just are.
Reducing stress in your marriage by not harassing each other.
Work together to get things done around the house. Share the feeling of accomplishment. Avoid power and control struggles.
Remember that you are not the parent of your spouse. Your spouse will teach physical or logical consequences of actions and decisions.
See appreciation and give praise to your spouse.
Treat your partner with respect and kindness.
Watch
Pay attention to how your spouse responds to your praise, or when you take the time to be together, or when you nag, or when you are angry. These behaviors are natural consequences in how your spouse acts, feels and thinks.
