Bob liked the meat and potatoes kind of dinner.
Sheri loves pasta or vegetarian meal type.
Bob loved music Ray Charles.
Sheri was Henry Mancini fan forever.
Bob loved to vacation in the woods, in a tent.
Sheri prefer a nice condo on the beach.
Bob usually got up early in the morning.
Sheri believes the day should begin around 10 am.
Bob liked flannel sheets.
Sheri loves those silk.
and the list can go on and on ... tastes in movies, clothes, the softness of mattresses, books, TV shows, drinks, entertainment, food, sports the temperature of the room, the dog's size, the height of the mirror, furniture styles, and how to spend free time.
then, how a couple like us, who are so different, stay married for nearly 50 years ?? Well, we thought it was because we are not attracted to each other by what we liked or ate or what movie we liked better. Sheri was attracted to the spontaneity, kindness, creativity and ambition of Bob and his being over 6 feet tall was an added bonus!
Bob loved Sheri maneuver in his walk and his intelligence, compassion and humor.
what is interesting now, years later, is what first attracted us can really bug us later on. Bob height meant hanging plants Sheri were a no-no. Sheri love of reading makes Bob feel like he was playing second fiddle to his books. spontaneity Bob was more fun when it meant Sheri had to get their children ready in half an hour for an unexpected trip to a neighboring state.
Some couples find that the playfulness of their spouse is really boring or predictable that they so highly praised is now bored to death.
This is normal. The old saying opposites attract has some truth to it. All of us often look for someone so fill us. But then, we can begin to resent. The key to dealing with this is a willingness to talk to another.
Why opposites attract?
"Why opposites attract? Evolutionary psychologists believe that one of the reasons we find partners who are different from ourselves is to spice up our genes. Our survival as a cash increase if we sniff a partner with genetic forces that we do not have. another reason that opposites attract is the opportunity to acquire skills for a partner with a different background or abilities. the latest and more important reason is that the partnership outside our "clan" allows us to appreciate and adapt to people who are not related to us. This is beneficial because we have to continue to grow and expand our capabilities adaptation to a changing world. " And Michael Marti Laney in The Introvert & Extrovert in Love .
Thus, it is likely that you will be with a partner who is alt least a little in front of you in some ways. How can you cope better so that you do for the long term?
- Express your expectations and feelings. It is unfair to expect your spouse to change, and in fact, most of you do not really want the change to occur. (Besides, would you change?) For example, Sheri really made the spontaneity of Bob value and would be upset if he had lost that trait.
- It can be fun to list what attracted you to each other when you first met, and that you continue to enjoy in another. Make it a day where you can relax together, share memories and talk about your love for each other.
- practice empathy, patience and acceptance.
- Make sure you do a lot of fun and new activities together. You can take turns planning to avoid conflict if one of your opposite traits.
- negotiators.Compromising Become master is a skill you can develop to take you through a long and healthy marriage!
* Article updated by Marni Feuerman
KEEP YOUR WEDDING STRONG ... SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEWSLETTER HERE!