Unfortunately, current statistics show that those who marry for the first time face a divorce chance of 40% to 50%. Among the first marriages that end in divorce, most only last 3 to 5 years. Children of divorced parents are at increased risk of psychological problems that often do not become apparent until adulthood. Sometimes these couples feel the same distress during the commitment period. With divorce with profound and negative implications, it is imperative to take at look at some ways couples can prevent divorce before saying "I do."
As a marriage and family therapist, I am concerned when couples in the marriage path can not describe how they resolve conflicts. If they say they never have arguments, I am afraid they do not discuss important topics, or they avoid conflicts. On the other hand, excessive fighting and disagreements pose a "red flag" as well. There are many techniques to help couples committed to overcome these problems.
Here is a sample of what I think works and what other experts advise to help you on your way before you tie the knot.
Linda A. Kerns, a right to family lawyer in Pennsylvania and New Jersey believes that "marriage is a business arrangement as it is about love and family. engaged couples need to understand the expectations of everyone in finance and also plan how to manage money for the wedding. "She goes on to say that" the assets and liabilities The combination can be complicated and requires planning. Each couple must find their comfort zone if it means keeping separate finances, combining all or a hybrid approach. " Asset protection for your spouse in a divorce also varies by the laws of your state.
Texas family law attorney Natalie Gregg notes that "Couples often caught up in the romance and forget to discuss key elements of the image, such as when and if they might have children who could stay at home with the children, and what kind of career is durable for their lifestyle. " She pondered why people "put more thought about buying real estate or a car that the person we are planning to get married. Marriage is a delicate dance egos, careers and lifestyles, all of which need planning and joint for the future. "
Megan Bearce, a marriage and licensed family therapist and author in Minnesota recommends that couples looking to get married for the first time and read the book by Susan Piver the right questions 100 questions before You Say "I Do". Bearce noted, "So much time is devoted to choose flowers, catering, and take decisions on the day instead of thinking about the problems that can lead to conflict on the wedding route." Bearce love the book Piver as is "divided into chapters on money, career, children and related issues such lists and who get to the point of how each person feels about them. I also recommend my individual clients read, too, so they get clear about what they do and do not want in a relationship and understand what is important to them in the long term, not just the coming months. "
"the family you grew up in forms an amazing amount of your prejudices, unconscious behaviors, values and reactions," says Dr. Tina Tessina, a marriage and licensed family therapist in California and author of several books to help couples. "make sure you spend as much time as possible with the families of the other before making the move. It is easier to see the quirks and habits of your partner in a parent or sibling because you are not blinded by lust. If one or both of you don 't get with your families to know why. Family style will have a big impact on your relationship. "Dr. Tessina has a list of many other important issues to consider for couples before they marry about personality traits, to move in together, divide tasks, preference for personal space, religious differences . and so on
before getting married, couples are able to seek advice from many sources: licensed therapists who specialize in counseling before marriage, specific programs that prepare couples for a successful marriage (eg PREP or PREPARE / ENRICH), clergy, lawyers in family law, and financial planners, to name a few. PREP (prevention Program and improvement of the relationship) is one of divorces prevention / the most complete and well respected marriage strengthening programs available today. It has been proven effective through extensive research. PREP emphasizes strategies under two frames essential: strategies oriented towards the reduction of risk factors and strategies to increase protective factors to help marriages succeed. PREP is an educational program that participants can learn using multiple formats according to their preferences, such as workshops in person, online and home study, or classes led by members of the clergy.
If you get a sort of prenuptial advice or engage in a program such as PREP, the goal is to take it seriously and do the work. "The key limitation of a premarital program is that couples often approach these sessions without the seriousness it requires," notes Jessica Rios, clinical director at iCouch, an online therapy service. "It is important that both partners are fully involved in the process. I recommend that couples see their counselor both as a couple and separately to help the counselor to understand what each person wants without these needs being ignored or skipped during the session couple. Sometimes premarital counseling may reveal that the couple should not be married. "
Leana Sykes, couples therapist and a developer called online courses based in New Jersey" prenuptial Boot Camp "also highlights that one of the disadvantages is that "programs do not challenge couples to dig deeper and go beyond their comfort zone, like counseling can. Working with a counselor is more personalized for the couple, and a counselor can help the couple navigate more sensitive topics such as money, spirituality and intimacy. "Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert based in New York radio host and author recommends premarital programs as well, but recognizes that they are not as individualized She says." If the couple has difficulty speaking to each other directly, it is a good idea to see a counselor or clergy, as a priest or rabbi. in addition, they can talk to other couples who have lived it and wonder how they survived the road marriage. "
There are valuable resources for engaged couples on the internet. Smartmarriages.com provides information wealth, educational classes and links for couples. NationalMarriageProject.org provides research and analysis relevant to promote healthy and stable marriages. Both organizations are non-faith-based and non-partisan. Avvo.com is free legal resource based on Web that engaged couples can also find a useful resource for information on topics such as prenuptial agreements, immigration law for international couples or ownership issues .
There is a consensus among experts that the "blinders" should come off. Do not let the happiness of engagement prevent you openly and sincerely discuss serious topics. Dealing with difficult issues before marriage. This may be the best way to prevent yourself from becoming another divorce statistic!
Read also: Why Counseling Premarital should not be optional
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